How to boost relationship satisfaction: An evidence-based approach
Are you looking to boost your relationship satisfaction?
Research on relationship satisfaction has evidenced responsiveness as an essential ingredient in relationships that boosts satisfaction. However, responsiveness alone might not do the trick. Below, I’ve outlined techniques that can help you and your partner show up for each other and get your relationship back on track.
Compassionate Goals: (compass that guides action)
A focus on supporting your partner
Are not in effort to obtain something for the self, but are out of concern for your partner
A desire to be a constructive force in your interactions with your partner and to avoid causing harm
The intention to care about your partner’s wellbeing
Responsiveness Behaviors: (action)
An effort to convey you understand through validation and caring
Warmth and sensitivity to your partner’s feelings
Supporting your partner in feeling comfortable, valued, and listened to
Compassionate goals and motives predicted relationship behaviors (responsiveness) AND predicted how each partner interprets the other’s behaviors, which feeds back into predicting goals and motives. Said another way, compassionate goals inspire responsiveness which, in turn, strengthens compassionate goals.
Keep in Mind:
That you both will have your needs met
That you both will look out for each other
That in being responsive to your partner, they to will be responsive to you
**Compassionate goals and responsive behaviors represent an attempt to move away from self-image goals:
Self-image goals: predicted decreased relationship responsiveness, which predicts decreased relationship satisfaction
Are focused on building, maintaining, and protecting your own self image
Represents a belief that you must sacrifice your own feelings for your partner's
Hinges on a feeling that you must look out for yourself, even if it hurts your partner
Predicted outcomes include feeling more lonely, being more conflictual, and higher interpersonal distrust
In my couples therapy work, the approach I take can support you and your partner in building a structure to effectively deal with the issues at hand. Check out our practice’s couples therapy page for more.
